


don't you know? all i want is you

by bvnnyboo



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: M/M, Romance, Yearning., angst methinks, dropping this randomly after deleting all my other works lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:47:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27890236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bvnnyboo/pseuds/bvnnyboo
Summary: “can i just ask you one thing?”“anything.” he tian responded, a little too eagerly.
Relationships: He Tian/Mo Guanshan (19 Days)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 184





	don't you know? all i want is you

**Author's Note:**

> this is very thrown together and takes place right after the events of the latest chapter. not edited at all. i hope y'all enjoy, this pulled me out of a funk lmao. i was also listening to "stay with me" by miki matsubara when I read the new chapter so I immediately ran to my notes app and let my funky little fingers fly!

“i realized that i really don’t like being lonely,” he tian said as he tenderly held onto mo guan shan’s wrists. “stay with me.”

mo guan shan almost felt tears well in the corners of his eyes as he stared at he tian’s eyelashes. this bastard had fed him the worst dinner he’d ever seen and forced him into the tub with him. his pants, soaking wet, sat uncomfortably next to them on the wooden floors of he tian’s apartment.

but he couldn’t move, he just stared at him. he just couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t leave him alone. he looked at the sad expression on his face as he desperately hung onto mo guan shan’s wrists. he felt kind of bad for him, like pull him into a hug kind of bad.

so he did. he hugged that tall son of a bitch and gave him a reassuring pat on the back. he didn’t know what else to do. his mom was much better at the reassurance than he was.

she’d always make him bend down to give her a big hug as she pet his head and pressed a kiss onto his nose. and for a moment, mo guan shan thought about what kissing he tian would be like.

he didn’t have to think for long, since he already knew. his lips still burned when he thought about he tian shoving his tongue down his throat in the middle of the courtyard.

mo guan shan released his grip from he tian pushed him back a bit. he tian stared at him with the widest doe eyes he’d ever seen in his life.

“what?”

“another.”

“another what, dickshit?”

he tian lunged forward and wrapped mo guan shan in his embrace. mo guan shan barely registered what was happening before he felt his feet leave the floor again.

“oh fuck— put me down, you chicken shit for brains!” mo guan shan yelped, attempting to push himself off of he tian.

eventually, mo guan shan managed to wriggle out of his grasp and landed with a soft thud on the floor’s hardwood. he tian held out his hand to help with an amused smirk on his face, but mo guan shan swatted his hand away as he pushed himself back up.

and then there was silence. he tian stood there, eagerly waiting for mo guan shan’s next move and mo guan shan could practically feel the hole he tian was staring through him.

“can i just ask you one thing?”

“anything.” he tian responded, a little too eagerly.

“why is it me?” mo guan shan asked.

“hmm?”

“like, why are you asking this from me? you have a pack of girls at school who’d do this for you without a second thought.”

“i don’t like them. not like i like you, anyway.”

“and what does that mean?”

“i don’t know how to put it in simpler terms, little mo.”

__fuck, this shit for brains bastard!__ mo guan shan felt his blood boil as he started trembling _ _.__

_he likes me?_ the thought crossed his mind every now and then at the prospect of he tian actually liking him, but he never really...

it wasn’t natural, right? two boys together didn’t make any sense. what if they wanted kids? could they even get married?

life was hard enough for mo guan shan already, he didn’t a gay awakening to add more stress to the matter.

“i...i need to go.” mo guan shan mumbled to himself before swiftly grabbing his items off the floor and nearly running out the door.

“mo guan shan, wait. listen, it’s really—”

“no, no, no. i have enough shit going on. this ends right here.” mo guan shan interrupted as he stuffed his feet into his shoes.

“do you remember what happened after i kissed you?”

“i don’t really like to.”

“i asked you if i disgusted you.”

the room fell silent as mo guan shan looked at he tian’s figure slumped against the wall. he had a distant look in his eyes and his arms were folded. he looked like he might’ve been fighting back tears.

“...i remember.”

mo guan shan swears he can feel the temperature drop. he figures it’s been a while since then. or maybe it’d felt like a lot since so much had happened between then and now.

“you can go home. you don’t have to worry about anything else from me. i'm sorry.” he tian murmurs, slinking back around the corner.

mo guan shan bargains with every part of his body to just leave. he tian has literally offered him a way out, to never have to be in his debt again.

but he can’t leave that motherfucker alone.

so he swallows his pride, pushes his shoes back off, and takes off his backpack. he nearly stumbles on the slippery hardwood as he’s walking around the corner to find him.

he’s squatting in front of the large windows of his apartment, a cigarette hanging from his lips. mo guan shan saddles up next to him. they don’t speak for a while, just watch the cars pass below them.

eventually he tian adjusts himself into a sitting position. mo guan shan looks at him, waiting for him to break the silence. but he won’t speak, he just blows smoke out of his nose and keeps his eyes trained on the glass.

“hey.” mo guan shan croaks out, voice raw from the silence.

“i thought you needed to leave.”

“i didn’t know what to say.”

“you said enough.”

“i didn’t know you liked men.”

mo guan shan watches him blow out a puff of smoke from his nose in response. mo guan shan had never really thought about attraction before. if he wasn’t chasing around she li or working, he was home cleaning. he didn’t really have time for a girlfriend and had a fear of getting one and not being able to satisfy her.

he’d done his fair share of jerking off as well but that didn’t take much thought either. so he wondered what it was like for he tian. he wondered how he was so comfortable in saying he liked a boy. maybe he just didn’t care.

“i don’t care about any of that shit. i like you. i like you so much it could cover all of china.” he tian said quietly, as he ran a hand through his hair.

“i see.”

“no. no, you don’t.” he tian said as he gripped aggressively on his hair.

he felt kind of stupid watching he tian get so upset about this. he just figured it wasn’t that big of a deal but this seemed like the world to him.

“all of this time, i guess i thought i was being obvious. i really like little mo. more than i can bear sometimes.”

he tian released a deep sigh and pushed the cigarette stub into the hardwood floor. he finally turns his head to look at guan shan. mo guan shan feels his stomach flip as he tian stares at him.

“please don’t leave, mo.” he tian whispers as he places his head on mo guan shan’s lap. “i don’t think that i could take it.”


End file.
